Homemade Applesauce

After reading an entry in Jenn Sutherland's The Whole Kitchen blog I was inspired. I looked up several different recipes and melded them together.



I used ten apples. Peeled and cored. One of my helpers learned to peel.



I added half a cup of water, some cinnamon and a bit of sugar.


Tossed it in my crockpot for about four hours on low.



I ate some for lunch without mashing and was dying to throw it in pie crust. It would have made a beautiful pie. Last step was mashing with a fork and serving hot with a nice pork chop and mashed potatoes. Yum!

Thanks for the inspiration, Jenn Sutherland at http://thewholekitchen.blogspot.com/


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The Guilt of Being Someone’s Mother

Sometimes the guilt overwhelms and consumes me. This weekend when my husband and I went to my daughter’s cheerleading competition he said, “They did well, but they would’ve done better if they had a better coach.” I heard, “You were the head cheerleader at an NCAA college, why didn’t you coach our daughter’s squad so they could win the competition.” And I felt inside, so so guilty that I had said no to this very item. Having two other children and an opposite work schedule from my husband I didn’t have a choice to say yes. As I said to the person who had asked me to coach, “I can’t watch my own two toddler boys and coach a team of 15 or 20 pre-teen girls at the same time.” Not possible. Still, the moment rankles. I know that what he said wasn’t directed at me. But it’s so hard not to hear it that way.

More and more of my life I seem to be having these guilt-ridden moments. If only I stayed home with them then I wouldn’t have to make these awful choices. Part of me says that I don’t have a choice. We live in an expensive area and although we bought a very reasonable home in the not-so-fancy part of town our mortgage is still substantial. We couldn’t afford to own our home if I didn’t work. Would we be just as happy in some basement rental with mom at home? I read a lot of blogs these days about being fiscally and financially sound, frugal living, environmental choices, child rearing, couponing, etc. Many of the women and men who write these blogs have made the choice to stay home and live with less than ideal housing situations. I am thrilled to read their articles and even more thrilled when it saves my own family more money. I wonder though if their choices are permeating my shield.
Every time I have to say “no” to my children’s school or to coaching or to something related to one of their activities it pounds on my heart. It makes the guilt sink deeper into my soul.

At work, I feel like what I do makes a difference in other people’s lives. In the past two years, I have helped twelve families rehabilitate their homes through the no interest loan program I run. I have helped the Town I work for utilize their long term capital budgeting to make prudent choices on behalf of the community of over thirty thousand people. Over the fifteen years of my professional career, I have helped permit facilities for the elderly, day care homes and centers, home occupations, in-law apartments and more. The people that these facilities affect are important too, aren’t they?
Still, the guilt rankles. Today, I’m having a hard time putting it away…


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A Jam Packed Weekend

This weekend's itinerary included the usual cleaning, laundry, cheerleading practice, one football game and a realization.

The freezer was holding four pounds of strawberries and two pounds of blueberries. My plan for Wednesday (my garbage pick up) was to completely empty my freezer and refrigerator.

For weeks we have been making minimal purchases at the grocery and doing our best to empty out the space.

Therefore, I realized, it was jam making weekend.



It amazes me how four pounds of strawberries and six cups of sugar only makes four pints of strawberry jam.




This is the blueberry. Which I'm thinking is going to make a wicked spread this winter for the much loved pancakes.



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The Ocean House

Recently, on a day when my husband was at work and two of my three children were engaged in their own activities, I found myself alone with my youngest son. A strange anomaly indeed.

My husband pointed out what a rare occurrence this was and told me to take him for a fancy lunch at the Ocean House.






This is not only a special place in our town but to our family as well. The night we got married my husband and I spent not in our hotel room as you'd expect but walking on the beach and dancing to Johnny and the East Coast Rockers at the Ocean House.

Because of this gorgeous beginning, I've always had a special place in my heart for this particular piece of real estate.

Lunch was a fabulous success. My date was charming, polite, and even insisted on paying the bill (with his father's credit card, of course).

He later told the tale to his grandmother and strangely what caught his fancy was the elegantly attired people playing croquet on the lawn and the "man who parked mommy's car." I guess my five year old had never seen valet parking before. Pretty cute.

Thanks to my husband for the unexpected treat. It was appreciated.

One Moment in Time

For quite some time now I've had a running list of ideas that I wanted to write about. One of them I titled, "One moment in time." The concept was to write about the different people in my life and how each of them taught me something in particular.

First, I will write about Kerry. My partner in crime. My best friend who died last month at the ripe young age of 40 and whom I am struggling to let go.

I named one of my children for her. It was my ploy to God that I would be as good a mother as she was. Kerry adopted four children. Each of them has special challenges. She not only embraced these difficulties but she met them with a great sense of humor. She was, by far, the funniest person I've ever known.

She exemplified the phrase "Live your life out loud."

In this age of the Internet, her facebook page still exists. Her email is still accessible. I still have her listed as my 'favorite' and she is.

What she taught me was how deep love can be and how much how you love someone matters.

Her love for her children lives on. The very last thing she gave them was a Daddy. Go Kerry!

Wherever you are up there, I miss you with all my heart and I won't ever be the same without you.

I know it's been raining so much because God is up there wetting himself listening to her wisecracks.



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Dill Pickle Extravaganza

After an abundant crop of cucumbers blessed my home this year...



I decided to make pickles...


Lots and lots of pickles...



Yum!

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Transitions

Today was the day my best friend was getting married. She died June 15. It was a cruel twist of fate. After years of struggling in her personal life she had finally found her one true love. It would've been such fun today to see her realize her own piece of happiness in the world.

I talked to her every night after our collective seven children went to bed. We shared our frustrations, our disappointments and our fears. It was a safe place where no topic was taboo. I miss her so completely. I am terribly lonely for her company. She could make me laugh at the end of my worst day. It was truly a gift to have her in my life. I am grateful.

At this same moment another transition is happening in my world. My mentor is retiring this Summer. The person at work who showed me how to navigate the shark infested government waters that I swim in every day. The wisdom and common sense of this person will also be sorely missed.

I am feeling rather lost right now. My own little world feels like a jell-o bowl turned upside down. Quivering, sticky and generally messy.

I know that my Mother's favorite saying, "When one door closes another one opens," has always been true in the past and therefore I declare that I am truly looking forward to the next chapter because whatever God has in store must be pretty damn good.

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